she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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