We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
