my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
