I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
