how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
