Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
