I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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