I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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