in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
