Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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