I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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