The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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