She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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