we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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