can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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