i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
