Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
