Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
