Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
