Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
