I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
