Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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