he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There r osticjed everywhere
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
