I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
