I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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