Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
