i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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