So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
