I am in a vortex of obligation.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dick very happy bro
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
