so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
