I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
