Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
