oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
being pregnant is like rehab
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
