I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
