im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
