have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
