My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
