I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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