He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
