I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
