I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
