She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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