Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
