I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
