i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
