You're a womanizer and a bitch.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
