He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
