my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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