closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
should my penis look like a turkey
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
