Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
