Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
